Thursday, September 06, 2007

They say there is hope after loss. But my hopes involved her. Hopes for celebrating Daddy's birthday (Sept. 5) together. Hopes of celebrating her birthday (Sept. 17) together. Hopes of celebrating my birthday (Sept. 21) together. Hopes of seeing her healthier and happier - restored to her former beauty. (She was so pretty before the cancer disfigured her - and we did not even know until it was too late that it was cancer.) Hopes of a vacation together in General Santos City - introducing her to Mommy's side of the family and taking her to the farm. Hopes of shopping together again. Hopes of celebrating Christmas together. Hopes of telling her how much she meant to us, how much I admired her, how much I loved her. Hopes of celebrating weddings together. Hopes of making her feel appreciated. Hopes of making her happy. Hopes of smiling at each other.

There is no hope after loss. There is only bitterness and guilt.


Natalie said...

and love.

kimberly sherrod said...

bless your heart.
hope will be there some distant morning and you'll feel a bit of forgotten joy and then you'll start to heal. Grief takes its toll on your heart and time is the only thing that helps it become bearable. hugs from me too.

Kerrie said...

Hi Tarie,
I've seen you comment on Jillian's blog and wanted to come and say
I'm so sorry for the loss of your aunt.
I think she must have known you loved her - it's so evident in your writing. She would have felt a love like that even if you didn't say it.
I pray the time when you can think of her with smiles instead of tears comes quickly and you can replace your list of regrets with one of your happiest memories.

Tarie said...

Natalie, thank you for the hugs. I need a lot of them. :(

Kimberly, I am touched that you visited my blog. I am touched by your concern. Thank you so much. This means a lot to me. Makes some tears of joy mix with the tears of grief.

Kerrie, you have also caused some tears of joy to mix with my tears of grief. Thank you so much for your prayer. Your comment has helped me. Everything reminds me of my aunt - she is everywhere (she was very, very, very generous so almost everything I own are gifts from her). But for now I can only remember with tears and pain.