Thursday, September 06, 2007

Sleep is good. Sleep is the cure for almost all things. If you are feeling lonely, sleep it away. If you are feeling hungry, you can sleep that away too. If you are sick, sleep will help your body heal. You don't feel or even remember the pain when you are asleep. The cool bed sheets are comforting. The bed can even make you feel pampered.

But then you wake up. Sometimes the truth jolts you as soon as you wake up. I was startled awake this morning by my cellphone ringing. I saw that it was my Tita Baby calling. But no, it couldn't be Tita Baby, because Tita Baby died yesterday at 3:26 a.m., from thyroid cancer. It's Tita Cecile using Tita Baby's cellphone - crying and letting me know about the funeral arrangements.

I went back to the blissful oblivion of sleep. Sometimes the truth creeps up on you. I woke up and thought, something is not right - something is different - something is wrong. My eyes focused and I registered all the bags scattered in my room. All those bags were presents from Tita Baby. I reached for my cellphone because I wanted to talk to my mommy. It's the cellphone Tita Baby gave me. Then of course it dawns on me. She's no longer just a text message away. And I wasn't able to hug her one last time. I wasn't able to kiss her one last time. I wasn't able to say "I love you" one last time. My God, I can't even remember the last time I told her I loved her. That means it was too long ago! I miss her and I wish I could hug her.


Natalie said...

Tarie. If I could be there I would not say a thing. I wouldn't ask any questions. I would just sit and hold you. I hope there is somone there who can hold you, who can listen gently and let you pour out your grief.

Tarie said...

Thank you so much, Natalie. Your words already have the effect of holding me, listening gently, and letting me pour out my grief. *Tarie hugs Natalie tightly*