Friday, September 07, 2007

I can't stop crying.

Words mean nothing to the dead. So what do I do with all the "I love you"s inside me? What do I do with: "Where would we be without you?" "What would we do without you?" "Thank you so much." "This means so much to us." "You are truly a blessing." "We need you." "I want to be like you." "You're my favorite aunt." "You have such fine taste." "I admire you." "You're beautiful." The words aren't just bottled up. They rot and choke me with their poison. They fester. And it is all my fault because I should have said them in the first place.

6 comments:

putingtikbalang said...

Oh, sweetheart. *tight hug* My deepest condolences.

Cyam said...

I'm deeply sorry for your loss, Tarie. They say death is hardest for those who are left behind. After all, the departed have already gone to a place where there is no more pain, no more suffering. I hope you find comfort in the fact that your Tita Baby's not hurting anymore. I know your Tita knew how important she was to you and how much you loved her. You were a rich gift and blessing to each other during the time she was given. You and your family are in my prayers.

Kerrie said...

I haven't a thing to add to cyam's wisdom, just that I'm still thinking of you & you up in prayer Tarie. *heart*

Tarie said...

Jonette, thank you so much for comforting me and cheering me up today.

CY, I wish you were here!!! You're right, it is comforting that Tita Baby is no longer in pain. She was in a lot of pain before she died. I miss her. I want her back!

Kerrie, you are so sweet, so nice. Thank you so much! I definitely need all the prayers I can get.

Natalie said...

Your words mean something; the emotions and thoughts they express are powerful, and I believe they are meant for healing and good purposes. You are not alone in your mourning, so seek out the others, like you, who are suffering the loss of your aunt and share your words with them.
Cyam is right: Your aunt is in a good place now.
Honor her memory and all the love she inspired by being a reflection of what you saw in her and when you gather together to mourn and remember you will find that everyone carries thoughts, ideas, anecdotes and resemblances of her.
Your unspoken words are not poison. Let them out. They have a new purpose; tell us all about Tita Baby, so we can know her, share your loss and be inspired by her.
And ((hugs)) for you Tarie, because you need support and comfort. I love you.

Tarie said...

I love you too, Natalie! Thank you very, very much for your support and firm, kind words. I do want to honor my Tita Baby by being a reflection/resemblance of what I saw in her. She was beautiful in many ways and so good to us - kind, gracious, and generous.